


april showers

by GoandSeek



Category: Avatar: The Last Airbender
Genre: Comic Spoilers, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Mai Supremacy, Slow To Update, partial canon, possible ooc
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-07
Updated: 2021-02-14
Packaged: 2021-03-12 03:53:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 11,978
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29253999
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GoandSeek/pseuds/GoandSeek
Summary: A testament to the character of Mai and the strength behind her love.✦“Mai knew the reprehensibility of a smile: a fact which, somehow, had failed to present itself to Ty Lee. It would in time, of this, Mai was certain.”✦“I don’t hate you.”“I don’t hate you too.”
Relationships: Azula & Ty Lee (Avatar), Mai & Ty Lee (Avatar), Mai/Zuko (Avatar)
Comments: 4
Kudos: 24





	1. prologue

###  **prologue** ****

_Preparedness carries the day._ ****

Mai thought the banner read as a bit pretentious and preachy, but she had grown accustomed to such tone. Her father often spoke as such, patronizing and droning, and she had learned how to drown out all the political noise and focus on the absolute _nothing_ that remained: There really was not much left to focus on when one ignored politics in her household. ****

“Do they never change that banner?” ****

Ty Lee sidled up next to Mai, brown eyes wide and curious _as they always were_. ****

“They have enough money to,” Mai replied, moving forward and past the impressive doorway. ****

Their luggage was brought in behind them by waiting staff. Both had packed minimally, as they usually did, but the amount of extra, _useless_ trinkets Mai’s mother had sent ahead of time weighed the staff down until they moved like snail sloths. Mai wasn’t quite sure how Ty Lee’s arrival always seemed to coincide with her own, but, along with many other _coincidences_ , Mai had stopped questioning it years before. ****

“It feels great to be back,” Ty Lee cheered, smiling and waving at familiar staff members. They only held temporary positions, but the few that had managed to last over their brief break nodded in acknowledgment. ****

They, like Mai, knew the reprehensibility of a smile: a fact which, somehow, had failed to present itself to Ty Lee. _It would in time_ , of this, Mai was certain. ****

The sureness of it made Ty Lee’s smiles seem all the brighter while they lasted. Mai was unsure if her distaste for her friend’s (yes, Ty Lee was her friend, but even Mai wasn’t sure how that came about) smile stemmed from her jealousy of the girl’s easy emotions or her closeted admiration for the easy expression of her emotions. ****

“I heard that we’re getting the good dorms this year,” Ty Lee mused, using the banister to walk up the stairs instead of the steps like a _normal person._ ****

“We always get the good dorms, Ty Lee.” ****

“You’re right! We’re so lucky,” Ty Lee laughed, latching onto Mai’s arm with a grin. Mai shook her off quickly, subtly sliding to the side before making it the last few steps to the hall where their dorm was. ****

 _Lucky._ Mai breathed a quiet, sarcastic laugh. _They were so lucky._ ****

“Mai. Ty Lee.” ****

Azula stood at the end of the hall, surrounded by guards. _It’s ironic,_ Mai thought, nodding her head in greeting as Ty Lee verbalized it for the both of them, _how she’s surrounded like guards like she needs to be protected._ ****

“Hurry up, the orientation ceremony is going to start soon,” Azula smiled, head tilting as it did when she was excited, “I saw some _adorable_ new girls who I can’t wait to meet.” ****

Azula didn’t need protection from the world— _no_ — the world needed protection from her. 


	2. part one; turtleducks

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mai wanted to press a hand to her heart and smile like her mother did when she saw the newborn turtleducks in their pond, but she didn’t because she wasn’t her mother, Azula and Ty Lee were far from newborn turtleducks, and this was not her pond.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For the purposes of this fic, here are the rough ages of the characters in the time period the ATLA show takes place in. Part One takes place before this time period, so they are all younger than this (and their ages will fluctuate depending on the memory), but I just wanted to make sure everyone knew the age gaps I’d be referring to.  
> Mai - 17  
> Ty Lee - 16  
> Azula - 14/15  
> Zuko - 16

###  **part one; turtleducks**

The Royal Fire Academy for Girls— where the Fire Nation’s elite sent their daughters to learn, and _learn_ they did. Mai had never found the standard subjects: mathematics, literature, history, etc. particularly fascinating, but the mandatory elective courses held by the Academy’s Officer school did manage to pique her interest, even before she had been sent off to the school. In the few years before their schooling, a visiting man (probably in the same vein of work as her father) had raved about the various classes on scavenging, weaponry, and self-defense the sister school had to offer and Mai’s mind had slowly become preoccupied with visions of herself as a _fully independent being_. 

Gone would be the days of being cooped up in a large room with bare walls. Gone would be the hours spent practicing small talk so her father could present her to politicians’. Gone would be the boredom that had seeped into her life since she could understand just exactly _which_ life she had been born into. 

Mai had grown to _anticipate_ the excitement the independence would bring her. 

“You will not be taking those classes, Mai.”

“What?”

“As a young lady you should preoccupy yourself with less,” Her mother faltered, looking for the word, “ _physical_ activities.”

“I want to fight.”

_Wrong choice of words._

Mai’s mother frowned heavily, her hands wrapping around Mai’s wrists in a vice grip.

“Don’t say that,” Her mother brought her close, “Get that silly idea out of your head. You can’t say things like that. It’s bad—”

“—for Father,” Mai repeated what she had been told before, shame creeping into her stomach. 

The past eight years of her life she had been told to avoid speaking of things that would make her seem unruly, untamed. Her father was vying for a top court position on Fire Lord Azulon’s board and a loud, opinionated child would jeopardize those chances. The Fire Lord, it seemed, was very displeased by court members who had misbehaved children.

Wanting to fight wasn’t terrible in itself— it was a characteristic the Fire Lord looked for in his troops— but Mai’s parents had higher aspirations for her than being a foot soldier. They wanted to cultivate her mind instead, and set about helping her Father in his endeavor to create a military conquest that would allow them to knock down the last of the Earth Kingdom strongholds. _This,_ Mai knew, _would put them in favor with the Fire Lord._

Mai had already disappointed her father by being born a nonbending girl— women were allowed in the military, but none had recently led conquests to the extent any man had, and nonbenders seldom impressed Fire Lord Azulon— and she would not do to disappoint him again. 

“Yes,” Her mother hugged her tight, but Mai’s arms stayed limp at her sides. She never knew what to do when her mother hugged her like this— like she was smothering her.

“If you really are interested in the military, there are a few history classes you can take with the Officer’s School.”

Mai nodded mutely.

“Those are jointly run with the Fire Army and the Academy.”

Mai nodded once more. Her mother smiled, combing a hand through Mai’s hair before ushering her out the door. Apparently, her parents were expecting important company today. Mai had been told only a day before, and she was expected to be quiet and amuse herself in their garden until she was called for. 

Mai made it a few steps past the small turtleduck pond (which was a mimicry of the one at the Royal Palace) when a rock hit her shoulder. It was smaller than a rock, a pebble really, but the surprise made Mai stumble dramatically, landing on her back in an undignified fashion.

She quickly righted herself, folding her legs underneath her as she surveyed the stranger in their garden with thinly veiled curiosity. Mai wished she could throw a rock right back, but that would be rude and she had never really thrown anything before— she doubted it would go far. 

“This pond looks like the one we have at home,”

The girl who had hit Mai was on the other side of the pond, hair in a bun with chunks loose around her face. A small piece of metal glinted in her hair and Mai started paying attention. It was common for high ranking officials to adorn themselves with various things in their hair, but _this_ — a simple golden band with an emblem too small for Mai to make out— reminded Mai vaguely of something she should have known instantly. 

“Of course, this one is much smaller,” The girl continued, making her way over to where Mai was still seated.

Mai blinked, eyes squinting when the sunlight caught the girl’s headpiece and then widening again when she finally noticed the insignia. _A traditional flame._

_This pond looks like the one we have at home._

“Hmm,” The girl stood by Mai, pant leg brushing the hem of Mai’s sleeve, “your turtleducks don’t look as fat as ours do, either.”

Mai did not speak, mind whirring through her memories to find any recollection of how she had been told to speak to _Fire Nation Royalty._

“Of course,” The girl— Fire Nation _Princess Azula_ — seemed content talking without input from Mai, “That’s because Zuzu and Mom overfeed them.”

Mai had heard much about the prodigal princess who could bend blue fire. In fact, most of the Fire Nation’s Court had become daily members of her family’s dinner conversations. Mai could list every relation in the court and had a few conversation topics to back each one up. On more ambitious days, when her father would come home happy and dream of promotions, they would discuss the Royal Family and their incredible _power_. Of course, those were the days when her father had enough time to eat with them. 

_Wait, Zuzu? Was that Fire Prince Zuko?_ They hadn’t discussed him around their table as much. 

“That’s not healthy,” Mai finally spoke up, choosing a neutral statement that wouldn’t offend anyone. _At least, she hoped not._ The nickname _Zuzu_ bounced around the back of her mind a bit before spiraling off somewhere, joining a few choice images of fat, happy turtleducks.

“It isn’t!” Fire Princess Azula laughed, shifting to meet Mai’s nervous stare with her own emboldened one. 

“It makes them much less fun to chase.”

_Chase?_ Mai remembered the rock that Princess Azula had thrown with such devastating accuracy and shivered, keeping the ugly feeling in her gut at bay. Mai didn’t particularly like animals, they were loud and messy oftentimes (things she had been taught to avoid), but that didn’t mean she tormented them _for fun_. 

“You like chasing too, right?”

_I can’t say no._ Mai knew how ferocious her father would be if he learned that she had disagreed with the _Fire Princess_ , and so she settled for a quiet nod. 

“I know you do,” Princess Azula smirked, still standing just to remind Mai of the vast difference between them, “I overheard you talking to your mother.”

Mai’s eyes widened once more, the rest of her face passive. _So the pride of the Fire Nation was an eavesdropper?_ Although Mai didn’t like being spied on one bit, the immaturity of the action humanized the Princess a little. _Sneaky._ Mai characterized Azula in her head. _Showy._

“Stand up.”

_Bossy._ Mai complied, smoothly rising as she had been taught. Her clothes were fashioned in such a way to be as inconspicuous and not-distracting as possible. 

“Do you think you could hit that little one?”

Azula pointed at a newborn turtleduck, its tiny shell bobbing a meter from where its siblings and mother swam. Mai felt familiar nausea creep on her, but this time accompanied by a less familiar emotion. _Excitement?_ Guilt followed soon after the realization. 

_Am I excited to watch that turtleduck drown?_

_No,_ Mai told herself, standing still when Azula cocked her hand back to throw.

_I’m excited to watch her throw._

Mai’s family favored dialogue and planning, never ones to act brashly. Princess Azula’s cruelty— _no, her initiative_ — seemed to Mai, something new and unforeseen. 

Azula’s hand flew forward, the rock hurtling from her fingers and straight into— _the dirt._

“You didn’t try to stop me?”

Mai merely looked at Azula in response. _What good would it have done if I tried to stop you? You’re stronger, and Father would have been angry._

“You really want to learn how to fight then?”

Mai froze, the nauseating excitement she had felt once before bubbling up. _Fight._ Mai didn’t want to harm and hurt, _but she wanted to fight._ She wanted to show her parents that was independent and capable of taking care of herself. 

_We won’t need the Fire Lord’s favor,_ she would tell them, _you have me to take care of you both._

“I do.”

Azula laughed, “Then, you’ll learn how to fight.”

_But my mother said I couldn’t take the classes?_ Mai didn’t bring up the discrepancy in Azula’s statement, smiling quietly instead. 

Time passed quickly in the garden and Mai was covered in bruises by the time Azula had to leave. 

“Your aim is terrible!”

Mai flushed, ignoring Azula’s prod and picking up yet another rock to throw against the tree. Azula had singed a target-shape into the wood and hit the center every time with sharp accuracy. Mai had yet to even hit the tree trunk. 

Her throw missed again. 

“Did you come here with your family?”

Mai took a pause, risking a question and averting her eyes as she had been told to when in danger of upsetting a higherup. Azula was only a girl, just-turned six compared to Mai’s eight years of age, yet Mai felt resigned to bowing her head whenever the Princess spoke or even turned in her direction. 

“My family?” Azula rolled her eyes, “My father has better things to do, and Zuzu’s too scared to leave the palace grounds so she stayed with him.”

Mai assumed ‘she’ referred to the elusive wife of _Ozai_ (Azula’s much-mentioned father), a woman seldom seen in public and equally as rare to be spoken of around her dining table. 

“I came here with my men.”

_Your men?_ Mai waited for an explanation, a sliver of satisfaction pricking her ego when Azula frowned, expecting a doting interrogation. Azula wasn’t used to silence. She wasn’t used to people waiting for _conversation_ , the majority of her dialogues one-sided _._ Most of the servants at the palace simply paled when she spoke, and her mother had stopped humoring her a while ago. 

Zuko never wanted to talk about anything interesting, and her father was far too busy. 

“Father said that they’ll all be my men when I grow up,” Azula relented, explaining, “And you’ll be mine too.”

Mai’s eyebrows raised, but she didn’t say anything, prompting another frustrated response. 

“Your father wants to be on our court. When I grow up and take the throne his life will be in my hands. And that means yours will too.”

_Is our life entwined with our parents’?_ Azula’s assumption startled Mai. 

Mai frowned and Azula smiled, finally having elicited a tangible emotion from the quiet girl. 

“Isn’t Fire Prince Zuko older than you?”

Azula rolled her eyes, “You haven’t met him, obviously. He’s not strong enough to rule. Even Father says so.”

Mai nodded quietly, as she had been taught. 

She continued to do so when her mother ladened her with gifts upon learning of her newfound _friendship_ with the Fire Princess. Mai wanted to explain that she and Azula were _not_ friends, but having nothing to compare to Mai supposed that the declaration wouldn’t be wholly truthful— nor would it be appreciated. 

“Stay with Azula, Mai,” her mother smiled big, presenting her with new ink and parchment. A pile of sweets stacked the desk in her room, all flavors she had never claimed to like in any particular way. 

“Your father had heard the same rumors,” Mai’s mother’s eyes shone, “that Ozai wishes to take over General Iroh’s right to the throne.” Mai had actually mentioned Azula’s belief that she would be the heir (which assumed that her father Ozai would be made heir instead of General Iroh), but her mother seemed content on ignoring that tidbit of information. 

_How unfair._ Mai blinked up at her mother. 

“Stay with her, Mai, and we may be in the Fire Lord’s favor.”

_We won’t need it when I can fight,_ Mai reasoned, only to breathe in sharply when she realized— _and the only way I’ll fight is with Azula._

“I will stay with her.” 

_I am stuck with her._

Later that night, Mai used her gifts to draw a poorly shaped target and stick it to the wall opposite her bed. Cake was much softer than rock, but nearly as dense when compacted tight and it flew just as well. 

_I am stuck with her._

The cake missed the wall completely, falling halfway and smashing against the ground into several crumbs. 

_I am stuck with her._

The icing splattered against the far wall, but the dense cake hit the floor right before it. 

_I am stuck with her._

Finally, the cake caught against the pinned parchment, slapping the thin sheet with a wet sound. It stood for a moment, adhered with icing, before sliding to the ground in a sad heap. 

“Miss, are you alright?”

A servant, her parents had told her not to remember their names (this was akin to treating them as equals, and they were _not_ equal) popped her head through Mai’s chamber door, face paling when she saw the mess of cake on the ground and against her wall. 

“W-was the cake not to your liking?”

Mai didn’t answer, sitting upright at the foot of her bed, icing smeared against her hands. 

“What happened?” Her mother’s voice echoed from the hall and Mai allowed for a small smile to crawl onto her lips. 

“Mai—?” Mai’s mother stood, frozen, as she witnessed the mess that had become of Mai’s chambers. The icing smeared against the floor, the wall, the _tapestry._

“Mai, what is the meaning of this—”

“—Princess Azula told me to practice.”

“P-practice?” Her mother spluttered, unmoving as the few servants they had rushed around her to clean. 

“Yes, practice,” Mai reached beside her and balled up another piece of cake, waiting for the servants to move out of the way before launching another piece across the room. It hit the lopsided bullseye with a solemn splat. 

“For when we fight together.”

_I am stuck with her._

“Oh, is that what you…?” Her mother unfroze, mouth left slightly open as she weighed her options. Mai had already weighed them beforehand, the heaviness of the alternative weighing comfortably in her hand as a victory. 

“I’ll get you something else to practice with,” Mai’s mother smiled, “Cake is too messy.”

_I am stuck with her._

“Knives,” Mai could not have an opinion, but Princess Azula _could_ , “She wanted me to practice with knives.”

_With her, I am free._

#### ✦

The _shuriken_ embedded itself into the target, sinking into the painted wood of the wall like it was softened butter. Mai threw another, aiming for the small space that remained in the central bullseye and pinning it with painstakingly learned accuracy. It had been years, only two but they felt longer, since Azula had first shown her _how_ to throw and Mai had taken the art and mastered it beyond the comprehension of even the instructors at the Academy. Of course, none of them had witnessed Mai’s true effort, but even her half-attempts were enough to get her the needed passing marks to appease her mother. 

“Oh, wow, nice shot, Mai!” Ty Lee cheered, seated on the floor beside Mai’s bed as she preferred to be. It made Mai feel awkward at times like Ty Lee was insisting on Mai’s superiority, but this, Mai realized, was all a product of her upbringing. Physical height didn’t determine rank. She had learned this quickly: Ty Lee and she were equals.

And Azula stood above them all. 

“It’s not that impressive,” Azula rolled her eyes from the doorway, disinterested, “The target isn’t even moving.”

Mai slid out of her bed slowly upon Azula’s announcement of her arrival, pulling her knives from the wall opposite her bed as Ty Lee gracefully stood from the floor with a short stretch. Ty Lee had taken it upon herself to makeover their school uniforms, the blouse more form-fitting and the pants tailored better to her limber body type. Mai didn’t mind the bagginess, letting herself drown in the material.

Azula’s uniform had fit perfectly since their first day. 

“I didn’t study at all for this history test,” Ty Lee moaned, skipping merrily at Azula’s side. Her ponytail swung behind her, too long for the school dress code, but she’d miraculously been allowed to keep it. Mai wondered if it was because Azula liked Ty Lee’s ponytail, often off-handedly complimenting it when they showered. To most people, it seemed like Azula never complimented people honestly, but Mai had known the princess long enough to pick up on the bitter chord struck every time Azula was genuine (it was as if being truthful pained her, and Mai didn’t know whether to find it strange, funny, or sad. She’d decided to remain apathetic towards the realization.). 

“It’s alright if you fail,” Azula shrugged, stepping back as Mai opened the door to their common area, “Your parents don’t expect you to be smart, right?”

“No, you’re right,” Ty Lee hesitated, leaving her defense at that as she followed Azula forlornly to the firebending practice grounds. Technically, nonbenders weren’t permitted in the arena, but Azula had promised the both of them that no one would stop them and so far, no one had.

Ty Lee looked to the charred ground sullenly and Mai struggled to find the words to comfort her.

“Want to go ask the guards to duel us?” Mai finally suggested, focusing on the small, drooping girl beside her. Ty Lee had always been good at hiding her emotions behind a smile (Mai wasn’t that skilled, she could barely manage a frown), but even she got scraped a little too harshly by Azula every now and again. _Only by Azula._ Mai had never seen anyone deflate the happiness from Ty Lee’s heart as quickly as Azula.

“Don’t be so frowny, Ty Lee,” Azula turned suddenly from where she’d been warming up, the faint smell of smoke lingering as she approached with a scoff, “You don’t need to be smart.”

_That’s not helping,_ Mai simply looked at Azula, emotionless, waiting for the princess to pick up on her subtle disappointment. Mai could express her distaste as much as she pleased around Azula, but it was up to the princess to _acknowledge_ those seldom-seen emotions and up to her to act accordingly. 

Ty Lee smiled, eyes all watery and big _and dramatic._ Mai couldn’t help but side with Azula at that moment, not seeing the logic behind Ty Lee’s strong reaction. She knew better than to gauge her worth in someone else’s hands. 

“You’re an incredible athlete, Ty Lee,” Azula droned as if she was reciting something from script, her eyes rolled off to the side, bitterness dripping off her in waves. _Ironically, this is her being honest._

“Even if you fail school, you’ll still be much better off than the average person.”

Mai wanted to press a hand to her heart and smile like her mother did when she saw the newborn turtleducks in their pond, but she didn’t because she wasn’t her mother, Azula and Ty Lee were far from newborn turtleducks, and this was not her pond. She settled for leaving the conversation, nodding quietly for permission, and telling the guards that followed Azula around everywhere to gear up for a fight. 

“Miss, this is the firebender’s compound,” One guard hesitated, eyes squinted in concern through his heavy-set, protective mask. 

Mai responded with silence, blinking in annoyance when the guards slowly shuffled into a practiced formation in the sparring ground, their armor clinking noisily. 

Ty Lee had once asked Azula why certain soldiers wore such thick, harshly plated gear even when they could firebend to defend themselves. Mai had, as usual, feigned disinterest only to learn that the burdensome armor was given to firebenders who _didn’t know how to protect themselves from their own fire._ Mai couldn’t fathom the thought, used to the immaculately-healed burn scars licking up Azula’s body in ribbons and their temporary-ness: The scars faded as quickly as they set in as if Azula’s flames repented the damage they’d caused to their master. 

Soon, the fire had stopped burning Azula completely— her palms weathered like iron to match the puckered skin of Mai’s own healed scars. It took her much longer than both Azula and Ty Lee to learn how to protect herself from her specialization, but she had persevered stubbornly. 

Mai smelled smoke.

“Watch out, behind you!”

Ty Lee rushed forward, ducking past the stream of fire that passed through the space where Mai had been standing. Her loose uniform trailed out behind her, a hazard in all senses, but Mai had learned how to use it to her advantage: the shapeless cloth hiding her _shuriken’s_ path until they released. 

“That was a close one,” Azula’s voice managed to find Mai through the haze surrounding them. The princess was seated at the entrance, her legs crossed and chin resting in her hand as she watched and waited. 

Mai’s knives whistled through the air, pinning one of the guards against the wall of the compound and throwing another off-stance. Azula had told her of the importance of stance to novice firebenders, their capabilities diminished when their legs swayed. 

Another burst of fire to her left forced Mai to the right, her hand reaching forwards and up to push at an unsuspecting guard’s jaw. His stance crumbled, and Mai drove her knee into his spine, forcing him to the floor. _Was this even needed?_ Mai had thought fighting a few guards would distract Ty Lee, but the girl didn’t seem to need any distraction, her acrobatic form jumping from guard to guard and disabling them just as fast. 

“Ty Lee has you beat by two right now,” Azula mentioned in passing, sticking her foot out as Mai ran by, knives cocked. 

_I don’t care,_ Mai scowled, pinning two guards against each other and then to the ground. Their helmets bashed together and made a grating, clanging noise that made Mai’s teeth hurt. 

Across the grounds, Ty Lee finished up the last of the guards, a whir of limbs contorting into strange shapes as she laughed. _Laughed._ Mai thought it was weird how easily she forgot about the _strangeness_ of her companions. _Am I the only sane one in this world?_

But Mai had always doubted her sanity. 

“Not bad, Ty Lee,” Azula praised carelessly, standing slowly and procuring a small flame in the palm of her hand. She rolled her wrist loosely, using the other hand to make a shooing motion at the ponytail-wearing girl. 

“You can go take care of that now.”

Ty Lee shot Mai a meaningful look, biting down on her lip before scurrying past Azula and back onto the Academy’s main grounds. Mai smelled smoke once more, frowning when she caught a glimpse of Ty Lee’s ponytail, the end slightly singed and blackened. _A hazard._ Ty Lee hadn’t found a way to incorporate her ponytail into her combat as Mai had with her clothes, the girl’s too-long hair kept for pure aesthetic. _Childish_ , Mai thought, _but Azula approves._

It was rare that Azula approved of infantilism and vanity. 

“What do you say to a little more sparring, Mai?”

Mai wanted to say no, but she readied her stance anyways. The looseness of her sleeves, once an ally to conceal her weapons, screamed danger as Azula rolled the flame in her palm once more. Mai knew all of Azula’s tricks, but she could not defend herself against them. In contrast, Azula knew all of Mai’s tricks and could spot and disarm them quicker than Mai could react. 

“The less you try, the harder this will be for you.”

_No_ — Mai could not protect herself against Azula, but she would have to try. 

Anguish boiled in Mai’s gut before being soothed and overcome with an emotion slightly stronger. _Excitement._ Once more, Azula’s prods had resulted in a burning rush Mai seldom achieved from anything else. Her knives, once glistening and absorbing, had lost their lacquer, and so Mai had been hunting, subconsciously really, for the encompassing greed to _learn_ that had once overtaken her. 

Mai saw her eagerness reflected in the sweltering heat forced from Azula’s hand, forfeiting her instinct and making the first move. 

Azula ducked the knife, rolling to the side and then facing Mai with mirth. 

“Mai, have you been holding back on me?” Azula laughed, palms facing the ground as she breathed deep. 

The fire from her hands phased blue, then returned to its familiar gold as the excitement Mai had previously ridden off of faded, replaced by something far sicklier. _Blue?_ Fire wasn’t meant to be _blue_ : it was unnatural. Azula hummed to herself, the fire flickering between blue and orange quicker as she scowled quickly. 

“I haven’t quite got that down yet,” Azula admitted, the acknowledgment catching Mai by surprise as fear coiled around her insides. 

“I won’t need it for you, though,” Azula rolled her shoulders back, blasting fire by Mai’s toes and then to where Mai jumped. The orange flame was powerful in itself, burning briefly against the dirt before being extinguished without fuel. 

“This is just practice.”

Mai avoided another stream of fire, running to the other side of the grounds quickly. Her hands were slick with sweat, the skin of her ankles and neck burning softly and prickling with every motion. The guards, whose prone forms had littered the compound after their brief fight with Mai and Ty Lee, had all evacuated, lining the entrance. 

“Don’t just run around, Mai,” Azula’s humor left her voice, mouth in a thin line as she reprimanded Mai with a scowl. 

“I can get that kind of practice from turtleducks.”

Mai briefly wondered if Azula’s mother would feed her until she was fat enough to be rolled. Perhaps even the Fire Prince would. 

Another burst of flame caught against her billowing uniform, sparking up her sleeve and singing the skin of Mai’s left arm. _A warning._ Mai couldn’t just run forever— Azula expected a _fight_. Rolling in the dirt, Mai’s body groaned as if she’d rubbed against sandpaper. 

“Your wounds will get infected if you keep rolling around like that, Mai.”

_Dirt. Pain._ Mai hated it. 

Her knife whistled again, this time nicking the edge of Azula’s calf. The guards at the edge inched forward, only to slam against the borders again when Azula forced them back with a small, but fearsome fire wall. 

“There we go,” Azula smiled, praising and doting. 

Mai frowned in response, throwing another knife to Azula’s side and then one at her feet. The game, the dirt in her wounds, _the pain_ , it all rang with a familiarity Mai couldn’t pin elsewhere. 

If Mai would not perform, Azula would easily find another to take her stead. And then, Mai would be returned to her house where her frowning mother and frowning father would await her, hands void of gifts and necks shackled. _Yes,_ Mai hated the dirt, the pain, but above all else, she hated her small room, the lazy sun, and the newborn turtleducks, swimming without purpose. 

And so, Mai performed until the anxiety wore to excitement wore to fear, which then wore to _nothing._

#### ✦

Mai liked the willow trees at the Royal Palace far more than the ones she had at her house, perhaps because they weren’t at her house and were far, far away from her parents. Her splendid _friendship_ with Azula meant that she was allowed to visit the Palace to play in the garden during their breaks from school, and Mai used the brief reprieve to catalog her thoughts the way she had been taught. She wasn’t allowed this privacy at home, her parents hounding her for more information on the prodigal princess and her royal family. They bribed her with food, clothes, toys: anything she could think of. 

Mai had finally run out of things to _want_. 

_Azula doesn’t like talking about her mother._ Mai filed that reminder in the foreground of her brain, a bright red seal pressed against the envelope like a warning sign. 

_Azula doesn’t like losing, even when there isn’t a prize._ Mai didn’t need to remember that as well because she was privy to daily reminders. Mai would never beat Azula in any aspect, but Ty Lee was unfortunate enough to be a better acrobat: her cartwheels and flips much more fluid than the princess’. 

For every trick Ty Lee landed that Azula did not, the bubbly girl would get shoved into the mud. _But she always got back up._ Mai didn’t need mental reminders, not when there was muck splashed against her clothes in aggressive flecks. 

_Azula doesn’t like her brother._ This was a far more muddled thought than the rest, the concept strange to Mai. Siblings, though they didn’t have to be best friends, weren’t meant to _hate_ each other. Azula had no reason to dislike her brother: she exceeded him in every way, and she’d never lose to him. The dislike itself wasn’t extremely apparent either— it was convoluted and confused, like Azula herself wasn’t quite sure about it. 

_So why so much dislike?_ Mai wondered if it had to do with the throne Ozai had promised Azula. The throne itself didn’t seem all that comfortable. It was surrounded by flames, sustained by the reigning Fire Lord, and the entire thing seemed quite _exhausting._

Then again, Mai had never seen Azula _exhausted_ , so she imagined the throne was the perfect place to let an undying ember like Azula burn for eternity. 

“Mai, do cartwheels with us,” Ty Lee cheered, falling on her butt inches from Mai’s legs. Mai had tucked them in as tightly as she could, back resting against the trunk of a stray tree, yet Azula and Ty Lee were always falling and landing mere inches from where she sat. 

Mai looked up from where she’d been curled up into herself, eyes flitting around briefly before focusing on Ty Lee’s smiling face. The brunette’s hair had fallen out of her ponytail and it framed her round face in muddied wisps. Mai repressed the urge to pull the bits of debris out of Ty Lee’s hair, meeting Azula’s smug gaze behind the smiling girl. 

“No, thank you.”

“You’re so boring, Mai,” Azula groaned, moving Ty Lee out of the way so she could squat down by Mai. There had been a point in them knowing each other when Azula wouldn’t have dared lower herself to the ground where Mai was— like her physical height was all that established her power. Azula knew better now, and Mai knew that no matter how tall she stretched or how high she stood, she’d always be _beneath_. 

“You’re lucky we’re your friends or no one would want to hang out with you.”

If Mai had been younger, and not known Azula, she would have taken offense. Instead, she simply saw the logic in the statement and nodded in agreement, though a little surprised. _Friends._ She knew that was what they called each other, but it surprised her that even Azula was willing to label herself under such a _common_ title. 

“Is there any game you’ll play?” Ty Lee questioned, popping up from where she’d been shoved. Once, the girl had reminded Mai of a puppy— all innocent and yippy— following Azula around like she wore a collar and was leashed to the princess. It had taken a few years before Mai knew that Ty Lee merely followed Azula of her own volition: the clever puppy promising loyalty without a collar so it would never be caged. 

Held prisoner of her own allowance, Ty Lee was much more cheerful than Mai would ever be. 

“I don’t want to play anything,” Mai admitted, relieved as Ty Lee discovered the bits of grass stuck in her hair and began to pull them out with a disgusted look. 

“Oh, ew, there’s _gunk_ in my hair,” Ty Lee shuffled to Mai, pushing her ponytail into Mai’s unsuspecting hands with urgency. 

“Can you help me get it out?”

Mai wrinkled her nose at the tiny little piece of grass, leaves, and dried mud that flaked off into her cupped hands. _I don’t like messy things._ Sighing with resignation, Mai combed through Ty Lee’s hair, pulling out whatever she could. 

“I can do that,” Azula pulled Ty Lee’s ponytail from Mai’s lap and into her own, yanking Ty Lee’s head back violently as she did so. 

“ _Ow,_ Azula—”

“—Shut up, or I will burn it off.”

Teary-eyed, Ty Lee sat quiet and still as Azula forcefully pulled what she could from Ty Lee’s hair. Her hands were much rougher than Mai’s had been, fingers snagging on the strands and pulling out some hair with them. They tangled around her hands like cobwebs and Mai watched, intrigued, as Azula brought her hand back suddenly, the hair snagging on a healing wound. 

Azula’s hands were always littered with small scrapes and burns from her practice. _They’re part of the job_ , she’d proudly declared once, unbothered by the shock on the faces of the other girls at the Academy. They, like Mai and Ty Lee, came from noble families, but none had a prowess for fighting like Azula did. It took Mai longer to develop her battle scars, long sleeves hiding ugly gashes and tears from when her knife-throwing had been in its phases of perfecting. Ty Lee, though more athletic than either of them, was also victim to several pulled muscles and sprains.

Though, that had been before. They had made each other stronger, preying on the weak and then the strong at the Academy until it was them three that stood at the top. _And Azula always wins._

“Do what you did before,” Azula shoved Ty Lee’s ponytail back into Mai’s lap, eyes intently focused on Mai’s hands, semi-hidden amongst the folds of her clothes. 

“What?” Mai frowned, not quite understanding. 

“Are you deaf? I said do what you were doing before to her hair,” Azula’s words, harsh as they were, sounded impatient if anything, and Mai, once again took no offense. 

_She doesn’t mean it like that._ It was strange. Azula’s words were always clever, manipulative, and venomous, but sometimes without the needed intent. Mai could identify it because she was used to speaking sans intent herself, empty words carrying far less weight than those with emotion and conviction. 

Azula never spoke with empty words, but sometimes with a conflicting conviction. 

Mai combed through Ty Lee’s hair as she had before, noticing how the girl’s shoulders relaxed into her grip. Mai thread her fingers higher up, closer to Ty Lee’s scalp and she slowly pulled the bits of crackled leaves from the brown locks, throwing them off to the side away from all three of them. 

“Where did you learn to do that?”

Mai’s hand stilled and Ty Lee’s shoulders locked up again. _Learn what?_

_How to pull leaves from hair?_

Mai kept her face passive, firmly holding Ty Lee’s hair in place so she wouldn’t turn her head and peer at Azula with her wide, pinning gaze. 

_How to be gentle_. Azula was asking Mai how to be _gentle_. 

_It’s easy_ , Mai wanted to say, _even a baby could do it. Can you not do it, Azula?_

Another part of Mai wanted to tell Azula that she would never be able to do it. _I’ve seen the way you treat turtleducks,_ Mai would shake her head, _you can never do it._

Mai pushed both parts out of her brain and ignored the bright, red label she’d placed at the forefront of her brain. 

“My mother did the same for me when I was younger,” Mai watched Azula as close as she could without being detected. Ty Lee shifted closer to Mai, her back leaning against Mai’s shins with a nervous pressure. 

“Oh of course,” Azula laughed, her face unreadable, “Mine did too, but I forgot. The servants comb my hair now, and they do a terrible job.”

_Azula never forgets._ Mai wondered if she had taken her mother for granted, her doting hands and soft preaching things Mai had always hated (Had she? She couldn’t remember) but at least she _had_ those memories. _Where are your memories, Azula?_

“What about you, Ty Lee?” Azula hummed, one hand reaching for Ty Lee’s ponytail in a vicious claw. 

“Does your mother comb your hair when you get home covered in filth?”

“No,” Ty Lee answered honestly, leaning her head towards Azula. 

Mai’s eyes widened and focused on the way Azula’s hand melted into a kinder shape, pulling the last of the leaves and grass from Ty Lee’s long hair. _Gentle enough._ Mai hadn’t known Azula could be gentle, even if she’d wanted. 

“Your sisters then?” Azula guessed accurately, her knees touching the ground as she dropped to sit on her feet. 

Ty Lee swiveled to face the both of them, shimmying back so her back was against the tree with Mai. Her shoulder felt warm and Mai struggled against leaning further into it. _Friends_ , is that what they were now? _Actually or is it still pretend?_ Mai was having trouble differentiating between the games they played in the garden and the games they played with each other. 

“You should ask Zuko to comb your hair,” Ty Lee suggested with a laugh, popping to her feet and landing lightly. 

“Would he even know how?” Ty Lee laughed again, bounding away in a happy skip, blissfully unaware of the chaos she had left behind. 

_He does know how,_ Mai kept her eyes to the ground, _because their mother taught him._

“Zuzu doesn’t know anything,” Azula’s fingers curled around the grass and uprooted it, Mai’s pinky inches from the torn blades, “Father says he’ll never make it because he doesn’t know how to be strong the way I do.”

_You’ve already said that._

Mai didn’t think it was bad to be _weak_ in Azula’s mind. _In fact,_ if Mai was being honest, _being weak in Azula’s mind probably means you’re kind, compassionate, friendly…_ everything Azula was _not_. 

Still, Mai let her fingers push through the remaining grass, gently worming under Azula’s hand until she let go of the earth. _Because Azula is my friend, for now._

“Your cuts,” Mai spoke soft as she’d been taught, eyes kept turned to the ground and Azula’s limp hand, “They’ll get infected if you get them dirty.”

“You’re right, Mai.”

_You’re welcome, Azula._

Azula pushed off of the ground, rejoining Ty Lee as they continued to practice their cartwheels and flips. Mai wasn’t particularly good at acrobatics, but she could balance well enough and that suited her just fine. She didn’t plan on jumping across buildings or anything of the sort anytime soon. 

“ _Azula!”_

Mai sighed, watching as Azula shoved Ty Lee to the ground once more when the brunette completed the routine of flips they had been competing for. Mai squinted and leaned forward, trying to catch if Ty Lee had managed to get her hair dirty again. _Surprisingly clean._ Mai nodded to herself, settling back against her tree—

— _Prince Zuko._

She missed the tree by a bit, feeling herself falling back and catching herself on her hands. Prince Zuko and his mother were walking by their garden ever so casually and Mai watched them both, fascinated. _These are the people Azula cannot talk about._ Azula’s mother didn’t seem silly and scared like Mai’s, and her brother seemed _normal._ He was handsome, smiling, and very pleasantly _ignoring_ the three girls in the garden in favor of talking to his mother animatedly. 

_Zuko and Mom overfeed the turtleducks,_ Azula complained. 

_They are kind and loving,_ Mai understood.

_He is weak_ , Azula had said. 

_He is everything I am not._ Mai understood perfectly well what Azula meant, her familiarity with the other girl’s speech almost frightening. 

_Kind and handsome_ was not a bad combination, Mai decided, her face feeling far too warm as she realized she had been looking _far_ too long. She cast her eyes to the ground once more, counting the grass Azula had uprooted before sweeping back to her thoughts, organizing the stray, lingering cloud that seemed to remain in her head whenever she caught sight of the Fire Prince. She hadn’t yet developed the perfect category to file _him_ under, so Mai, in a fashion unlike her, swept Zuko under her brain’s metaphorical rug. 

“—just for a little while.”

_Hmm?_ Mai looked up at the sound of Azula’s mother speaking, face flushing when Ty Lee waggled her eyebrows in an utterly _devious_ way. _Wha_ — _oh._

Prince Zuko reluctantly jumped into the garden, tugged behind a grinning Azula. Ty Lee did the same to Mai, her hands slightly damp from the grass and dragging stains down the length of Mai’s sleeves. Mai wished her sleeves could be longer, she didn’t like when her scarred hands were visible, and she tried tugging them down, determinedly avoiding looking at the Fire Prince and his smirking sister. 

“Here’s the way it goes,” Azula plucked an apple from the tree Mai had been leaning against before, explaining the very _new_ game to Prince Zuko with a smile. Mai knew exactly what Azula would be doing next, her convenient position in front of the fountain a dead give away.

Mai and Ty Lee would take turns trying to knock the apple off of Mai’s head, and if something went wrong there was always the fountain to fall back into. _I hate this game._ Mai accepted the apple on top of her head sullenly, peering up when Azula jogged back to where the others were. 

“—Like this,” Azula shot a small flame to the apple stem, the piece igniting quickly and covering the top of Mai’s head in comforting warmth. _Why fire?_ Mai tried looking up to the piece of fruit, confused as to why Azula hadn’t thrown something physical instead. 

_She didn’t knock it off, she just lit it on fire. She’s going to lose the ga_ —

Mai screamed, eyes widening and body frozen as Prince Zuko charged at her. His eyes were squinted in determination and his body hit her solidly, forcing them back into a dangerous tilt and then _splash_ into the fountain. The warmth atop Mai’s head disappeared, but despite being in the cool water she felt her entire self flush dangerously as the Prince knelt on top of her, his scowling face directed at the now-smiling Azula and Ty Lee. 

“See? I told you it would work.”

“Aw, they’re so cute together,” Ty Lee laughed in tandem with Azula, pointing at Mai and Zuko in the fountain with an exaggerated kissy-face. 

The Prince got up quickly and marched away. His shoes, sopping wet, left a soft trail on the ground and Mai filed the memory away in her head under _Reasons to never trust Azula,_ a folder which was, ashamedly, not as full as it should have been. 

“You guys are such,” Mai faltered for the word, the sequence of the Prince running at her, _saving her_ , and then leaving replaying vividly. _How stupid is he to shove all of me into the water?_

_Stupid stupid._

“ _Ugh._ ”

_Stupid, but heroic._

Mai’s eloquence was not unnoticed, and Azula laughed once more, nudging Ty Lee with a knowing look. Azula had very obviously done that on purpose, but _why?_ The answer came to Mai in a millisecond, the realization that Azula had picked up on her faint crush bringing with it a whole new host of embarrassment.

But Zuko had left her in the fountain with another word, not even bothering to help her get up. _So he was embarrassed too._ Mai didn’t want to assume things that would give her false hope, it would be foolish. 

Azula hadn’t bothered to make him stay. _Azula couldn’t have known that he would have jumped at me to help._ But Azula _had_ known. Once again, Azula’s perception surprised Mai to her core, and she lodged the memory into a different folder, one which had a broader, more sinister mood and was seldom used, but always full.

_Reasons to fear Azula._

And then, a new folder. One which could fit all that Mai had swept under her metaphorical rug. 

_Reasons to like Prince Zuko._

Mai didn’t want to find Prince Zuko’s fragile pride cute, but in the face of Azula, who could never be outwitted, the soft, angry Prince made Mai’s stomach feel queasy. And she remembered his panic, his pout, and his angry huff before he’d stomped off in the direction of the palace. 

_Thank you, Azula._ Mai’s chest swelled with nerves and then shy gratitude as her crush solidified in her heart. 

Mai squeezed the hem of her clothing, the water seeping into the ground and settling at its surface in muddy patches. Ty Lee quickly came forward to help, her hands wringing out whatever could be wrung, soft giggles still coming from her mouth.

Azula watched a proud smile on her face. 

_Reasons to be friends with Princess Azula._

#### ✦

“Mai, look!”

Mai scrunched her nose, turning her head away from where Ty Lee had enthusiastically shoved yet another _flower_ into her face. It was large, and red, _and gaudy_ and Mai decided that she didn’t like it. 

“It’s a rose,” Ty Lee smiled, pulling it close to her so she could smell it, “It’s so pretty!”

“It looks stupid,” Mai pushed herself up, determining that, if the three of them were left in Ty Lee’s care, they’d end up eating flower salad for dinner every night. 

Of the special classes offered at the Academy (in tandem with the Fire Army Officer’s School), the one about survival and scavenging was Mai’s least favorite. It still beat mathematics and literature by a long shot, but living in _nature_ and sleeping in huts was only a meager upgrade from monotonous lectures and stiff desks. 

Fortunately, Azula had pulled a few strings and changed the rules of the survival class to make it less tedious and boring. 

“Oh, I found a peony! Mai, look—”

Mai silenced Ty Lee quickly, raising a finger to her lips in a hushing motion. The shorter girl complied, shoulders dropping into a ready stance as the two of them faced the rustling foliage in front of them. Whatever, _or whoever_ , was running in their direction was making way too much noise. Mai closed her eyes briefly and concentrated, picking up on the approaching _thing_ ’s startled breathing pattern.

A young girl, a freshman to the Academy by the looks of her emaciated jaw and wide, frightened eyes, skid to a halt in front of Mai and TyLee. 

“No,” She whispered, head darting back and forth between the foliage she’d come from and ultimately deciding that Mai and Ty Lee were the lesser threat. Fighting for resources had always been permitted during the duration of their survival class assignments (most lasted anywhere from a week to a month), but as of two years ago, fighting to the _death_ had been made allowable as well. 

“Please,” The girl grabbed a hold of Mai’s robes and Mai sighed, resolutely. 

“Please, she’s going to kill me.”

“She won’t kill you,” Mai sighed, unsheathing her throwing knives. 

“Azula just likes to chase.”

At that moment, Azula chose to appear. Instead of bursting through the bushes as the timid girl had, she dropped from the nearby tree onto her feet, slowly rolling up with a hurt expression. 

“Found you.”

Mai moved her arm before Azula could lunge, her knives pinning the girl’s thin body to a tree with her clothes, which was easy enough considering how they hung off the girl in gaunt sheets. Mai’s accuracy had improved since Azula had first taught her and since she’d first perfected it, and the pride glimmered low on Azula’s face, showing just barely in her smirk. Mai had gone beyond the point of perfection and had created a new level of competency. Ty Lee exhaled from beside Mai, relaxing her stance and walking over to the girl with a smile. 

The girl’s eyes widened, looking at Mai, betrayed. _I saved you,_ Mai tore her eyes away from the lean figure pinned to the tree, _trust me._

_You’d much rather I catch you than Azula._

“You’re no fun, Mai,” Azula rolled her eyes, rolling a small flame around in her palm until the pinned girl whimpered and struggled against Mai’s knives. They were embedded too deep though, and Azula extinguished her flame when she saw the look in Mai’s eyes. 

“I thought you liked the chase?”

Mai blinked, “I also like the catching.”

“Woah, that’s rare,” Ty Lee offered with a grin, grabbing the girl’s bag and rummaging through it. 

“Mai doesn’t like anything,” Ty Lee whispered conspiratorially in the girl’s ear, drawing back when she just shook violently. 

“That’s a lie,” Azula smirked, eyes flashing knowingly, “She doesn’t dislike _everything._ ”

Mai stiffened, barely able to muster enough coordination to catch a mango that Ty Lee tossed at her. It was the only food the girl’s pouch had, the fruit pitifully small and dry. 

“That’s tiny,” Ty Lee frowned, inspecting the fruit in Mai’s hands with a sympathetic pout. 

“Did Ty Lee find anything for us to eat?” Azula stretched her arms high above her head, looking once more at the girl and smiling when she got the fearful reaction she wanted. 

It had been four years and Azula had only grown more sadistic. Mai had tried not to pry, chalking Azula’s antics up to her abilities, _her power._ It was only natural that a predator felt the need to play with their prey. _Right?_

“If flowers count,” Mai nudged the dense flora at her foot with distaste. 

“Then, Ty Lee,” Azula rounded on their friend, “I think that wretch over there is functioning better than you.”

The joviality slid from Ty Lee’s face and Mai’s gut lurched unpleasantly, albeit far less unpleasantly than it once had. 

_Is it bad_ , Mai thought, _that I’m used to her._

“Wouldn’t you agree, Mai?”

“It’s an unfair comparison,” Mai stated what she could without upsetting Azula or criminalizing Ty Lee, practicing the neutrality that had been drilled into her since birth. 

“Hmm, I suppose so,” Azula chuckled, approaching Mai with a dangerously fond look. 

“You keep me honest, Mai.”

“You’re never honest, Azula.”

Azula laughed, bright and earth-shakingly overjoyed with Mai’s development. Long gone was the girl who had been too afraid, too conditioned, to defy her superiors and assert her opinion. The thirteen-year-old Mai that stood in the forest, swathed in mud and devilishly quick with knives, was the product of Azula’s nurturing hand. Her opinions, her boredom, her pessimism, _her mind_ — all of it— it all belonged to Azula. 

“Azula,” Ty Lee spoke up, glancing nervously at the impassive Mai and then the frail thing still stuck to the tree, “Shouldn’t we let her go?”

“Why? So she can go scavenge more rotten food?”

“She’s too skinny,” Ty Lee’s head tilted, confusion spreading thickly on her features as her brow knit together. 

“She’ll starve if we leave her there.”

The girl groaned softly against the tree, barely strong enough to lift her head up to confirm. Mai felt her stomach pang once more but instead busied herself with examining the food Azula had dragged in behind her. Several thick, healthy fish dangled from a line, a small sack of nuts to accompany it. Azula would never stoop as low as to scavenge, so Mai guessed the nuts and the string of fish belonged to some other group out in the forest, unfortunate enough to not have found Mai and Ty Lee before Azula found them. 

“It wouldn’t be the first time a girl has died at this school, you know.” 

Azula raised an eyebrow, daring Ty Lee to question her. 

Ty Lee did so, boldly and unknowingly. Mai couldn’t fathom how someone could be so ignorant of their own preservation. Ty Lee was always sticking up for people Azula targeted, and she had suffered the scars from attempting to negotiate the blast radius. Yet, she always came back and did it again. 

“That was hundreds of years ago, Azula,” Ty Lee scowled, “And it was during Agni-Kais. This is a _class._ ”

Azula looked at Mai who simply nodded in agreement: a human fact-checking device Azula could use whenever she wished. 

“Did you know she's a firebender?” Azula nodded at the girl against the tree, not bothering to wait for a response from Ty Lee. 

“Sad, really.” She hummed, “How even a firebender can be reduced to _that_.”

_Even a firebender._ Mai saw the subtle prod and took it for what it was: a warning. Azula had never used her strength against Ty Lee or Mai, and neither had witnessed the full extent of her firebending since they took separate combat classes for their specialties, only occasionally sparring (and even then, their last spar had been two years before). Azula was reminding them of their place _beneath her_ , for no matter how much they grew and mastered their art forms, she would always be two steps ahead— the prodigal princess. 

Ty Lee huffed, getting up and grabbing the bag of nuts with her. She made her way over to where the girl was still pinned, tapping her jaw gently and offering her a few nuts by her own hand. The girl’s eyes blew wide, pupils nervously flitting between when Azula and Mai were and back to Ty Lee and her kind smile. 

She accepted one nut, then another, from Ty Lee’s hand. 

“If you feed her one more, I’ll challenge her to an Agni-Kai, Ty Lee.”

The girl paused, head drawing back so quickly it smacked against the tree. Mai sighed, watching the nonverbal argument between Azula and Ty Lee quietly. Ty Lee would give in, as she always eventually did, and then—

“She can just reject the challenge,” Ty Lee said, her statement more like a question. 

“Can she?”

_No, she can’t._ No one could reject the Princess. No one could reject Azula. 

Ty Lee froze, gently placing the bag of nuts back down at the girl’s feet with an apologetic look. 

The bag would lay there for some time, enough time for Azula to light a fire and for Ty Lee to cook the fish. It was enough time for Azula to doze off on the one bed they had forced another group to make for them. It was enough time for Ty Lee to get up from where she slept, sneaking over to the girl as quietly as she could.

A knife stopped her, deadly accurate even in the pitch dark of the night. 

“Azula will challenge her to an Agni-Kai if you feed her,” Mai kept her voice quiet, knowing full-well that Azula would be listening. 

_Eavesdropping._ Azula liked eavesdropping. 

Azula liked chasing. Azula liked commanding. Azula liked _owning_. 

And Azula was _always_ watching. 

“I can’t let her starve.”

“Ty Lee,” Mai met her friend’s eyes in the moonlight, hoping her gaze would be enough to convey what she was trying to tell her, “If you feed her, you will betray Azula.”

“I don’t want to betray Azula,” Ty Lee whispered, eyes wide and lips parted. 

Mai nodded, watching as Ty Lee made her way back to where she had been sleeping. 

Azula’s sleeping form lay prone on the bed and Mai exhaled shakily. If she looked close enough, Mai imagined she could see the warm glow of Azula’s fire, expanding from her stomach. _You made the right decision,_ the fire leered. She could see it spelled in the embers of where they’d cooked their dinner. 

_You’re mine now._

Mai quickly picked the bag of nuts from the ground, unpinning the girl from the tree as quietly as she could. The girl collapsed, falling against Mai’s shoulder in a pile of stick-like flesh and bones. 

She didn’t wake when Mai walked them through the forest, nor when Mai lay her down to rest by the rest of her group mates. Mai put the bag of nuts next to her, closing its opening tight in case ants decided to steal from her as well (she didn’t think the girl could put up much of a fight). The girl didn’t wake when Mai left her and made her way back to where Azula was waiting. 

Azula was awake. 

Mai had expected it, and she kept her eyes low and averted as the Fire Princess stared at her silently. 

“You said you’d challenge her to an Agni-Kai if Ty Lee fed her,” Mai explained, feeling the irony of their predicament as Azula’s eyes twinkled at her in the darkness, cold and muted. 

“I am not Ty Lee.”

They shared one breath, the night swaying in a familiar humid breeze from the coastline. 

“You’re too soft, Mai. You’ll never make it in the real world.”

_You’ll never make it in the real world._

Silence. 

_You’ll never make it without me._

“From now on, what applies to Ty Lee applies to you too.”

Azula returned to her sleeping position and Mai did the same, aware that, in this forest, Azula was the predator and she was merely prey who had managed to ensnare the other girl’s attention, like a toy. 

#### ✦

“What do you mean ‘he’s gone’?”

The rock, it was more a pebble really, Mai had been tossing into the air fell to the ground with a dull _thump._ It rolled to a stop at her feet, punctuating the tense air languidly. 

“Not _gone gone_ —He was banished,” Azula shrugged, as if her brother’s exile was a trivial event with little implication, “Father has yet to issue an official statement.”

Mai waited for the punchline, the telltale twitch of a smile that Azula would share so she’d finally be made aware of the joke. A turtleduck quacked insolently in the pond, separated from its troop, swimming hastily to catch up. 

“Azula, that’s terrible,” Ty Lee frowned heavy and the expression looked unnatural on her, “Couldn’t your mother have helped?”

Azula laughed, high and tinny, and the familiarity that Mai had once felt with the girl’s words washed into the humid breeze. 

“She’s gone too.”

“Banished?” Ty Lee’s eyes grew wide, looking at Mai in shock. The quiet girl did nothing but blink in response, the news of the prince’s banishment scarcely settling in before Azula had made her next claim. _Banished? Gone?_ Mai looked at the walkway beside the garden, the hazy afterimage of both the prince and his mother still visible in the deceitfully effervescent light. 

“No, not banished,” Azula hummed, turning away from them to kick at the ground, chin turned up in bliss, “She’s _gone gone_.”

“Gone gone,” Ty Lee echoed hollowly, unfolding herself into a standing position. 

Mai watched, feet firmly frozen and stomach twisted, as Ty Lee moved forward to engulf Azula in a hug. Ty Lee was a hugger by nature, Mai’s arm usually standing victim to the girl’s affection, but Azula stood victim now, stiff as Ty Lee hugged her from behind with a whine. 

“Azula, I’m so sorry!”

Azula swiveled, lips parted in confusion. 

_Sorry for what?_ Mai waited for the question, meeting Azula’s gaze evenly as he slid out of Ty Lee’s grasp. 

“Mai, you look like someone told you they ran over your dog.”

Was that was Azula had thought Zuko was to Mai? _A pet?_ A _plaything_ that Azula had allowed her to indulge in? 

Flashes of the prince’s petulant, cute expression ran through Mai’s mind: of his indignance when Azula made him play with them and of the shy, furtive glances he’d shoot in her direction when she pretended to look the other way. 

“Are you happy?”

Mai surprised herself with the question, ignoring Ty Lee’s pleading glance. They both had the same suspicion: Mai had decided to act on it. A new emotion surged into her chest, stifling her breath and Azula mused her question, head tilting to the side in exaggerated thought. 

“How could you say that, Mai?” Azula pouted, one hand over her heart as the turtleduck pond lay in the background, “My big brother was banished and my mother left me, and you think I’m happy?”

“You’re not sad,” Mai pointed out, her arms crossing and eyes narrowing in accusation. Bile rose in her throat as Azula smiled a small, sickly grin. The _anger_ that had flared in her chest slithered into Mai’s arms, red and hot through the lines of her scars. 

“You know me so well.”

_No, I don’t. I don’t know who you are._ Mai wanted to scream— to throw rocks at Azula like she was a newborn turtleduck and demand how _she_ liked it: to be isolated, made vulnerable, and then weaned on poison. The Azula standing in front of her had simmered under the girl she’d grown up with for years, flashes of a cruel smile and conniving eyes only revealing themselves during combat or when Mai or Ty Lee found themselves particularly insubordinate. And now, its ugly face had been revealed, wearing a smug smile no different than what Azula wore when she won one of their silly games. 

“Azula, you’re not sad?” Ty Lee broke the tension gently, her hand brushing against Azula’s as she peered at the girl, confused. 

“What’s there to be sad about?” Azula turned away, walking to the turtleduck pond in a straight line. Mai quietly followed, mimicking Ty Lee’s light footsteps.

“Zuko isn’t dead, and my mother is finally out of my hair,” Azula hummed pleasantly, squatting and running her fingers through a small patch of flowers that grew in the silt by the pond. 

“Out of your hair,” Mai hollowly echoed, the phrasing familiar as she was reminded of her own mother and the asphyxiation that came with her. 

“Exactly,” Azula hummed, igniting the flower like it was kindling and stepping back to watch it burn. Her flame seared blue, fading to orange before sputtering in the water and rising in wafts of smoke. 

“She loved those flowers,” Azula shrugged, rolling her shoulders in a stretch as she tossed a tight-lipped smile at Mai and Ty Lee. 

“They’re just flowers,” Mai responded, bangs brushing her stubby eyelashes. 

Azula laughed, shouldering past Mai. Mai stepped back, shifting with the motion. 

“This is her garden,” Azula motioned, arms wide like she was trying to fit the space under her armpits, “I wasn’t allowed in here before.”

_That’s a lie,_ Mai had seen Azula jump into the garden before, running harshly to interrupt the conversation that always seemed to flow between Prince Zuko and his mother. Their mother had never made any motion to kick Azula out, instead, giving the princess her undivided attention as Azula did whatever she pleased: usually play-fighting with Zuko. Mai wasn’t fond of play-fighting, and so she stayed back and watched as their mother would pick her children apart like two dumplings that had stuck together, keeping one at her side and tossing the other away. 

_You were allowed, but never welcome._ Mai wanted to blame the chaos in Azula for her mistreatment, Azula’s envy apparent to any who looked, but part of Mai found bitterness in her heart that directed itself towards Azula’s mother _and her brother, the prince._

_How can you cast her aside?_ The voice demanded, lulling Azula and lashing out at the turtleduck pond in frenzy. _She is powerful, capable_ — how could they ignore her so easily?

“Where is Zuko now?” Ty Lee bit at her lip, anxiously diverting Azula from setting fire to any more of the flowers. 

“Who knows?” Azula rolled her eyes, “Uncle probably took him to the Earth colonies.”

“I thought your Uncle was in line for the throne?”

_Iroh._ Mai pulled the catalog from her mind remembering the few conversations her parents had with her over the Fire Lord’s brother and the heir to the throne after the death of Fire Lord Azulon. Azulon had died months before, leaving an empty, wavering hole in their hierarchy until Ozai had stepped in _temporarily_ Mai had been told. 

Azula had always made it seem as though her father, Ozai, was in line for the throne, but Mai knew the royal family well enough to doubt her claims. _Now, however?_ Mai remembered that Azula had grown up with Ozai’s favor, the back of her neck prickling at the thought of the venom the man possessed. Iroh had chosen Zuko, and Ozai had chosen the throne. 

“He’s always been sympathetic to them,” Azula sighed, flicking hair out of her face.

Mai watched the motion, eerily aware that the girl she watched was no longer a small princess with loud ideas, but one with _plans_. _An agenda._

“Does that make you heir?” Mai voiced, flatly. 

“I’d be a great heir,” Azula smiled, “I’m decisiveness, quick-witted, and my bending is unmatched.”

Mai remembered how Azula had gotten her firebending instructor moved to the Earth colonies and mirrored the similarities to the banished prince. _Incompetence was not allowed in Azula’s mind._

_How fearsome have I become,_ Mai wondered, _to be accepted as a friend by such a person?_

“Zuko is opposite to you in every way,” Mai let her eyes bore into Azula’s heavily. 

Where Azula burned harsh like a candlewick, Zuko was smoldering, soft like embers in a bonfire. For every sneer the princess offered, every manipulation and contortion, Zuko provided his blunt honesty, stubborn resolution, and _kindness._

Azula hummed in agreement, “It’s a shame he’s disfigured. I wouldn’t have minded you as a sister-in-law.”

Mai flushed. She was only fourteen but the idea had crossed her mind in rare fleeting bursts when her realism had faded into farfetched daydreams. _Disfigured?_

“Why would he be disfigured?”

Azula smiled, pleased that they had caught her confession. Ty Lee’s face pucked into something horrified, slow realization setting into Mai’s mind as well. 

“Zuko was banished after refusing to fight in an Agni-Kai,” Wisps of Azula’s hair fluttered around her daintily in stark contrast to the twisted smile they caressed, “His punishment for refusing to fight was _scarring._ ”

“Your father burned him?” Mai’s voice was hushed, angry, and strained. 

“The Fire Lord punished him for his disobedience, and banished him for his insolence,” Azula frowned, displeased with Mai’s tone. 

“He’s quite ugly now, really.”

“Poor Prince Zuko,” Ty Lee cupped a hand to her mouth, drowning herself in empathy as Mai steeled herself. 

“Why burn him? Why not just banish him?”

_So everyone can know what he’s done_ — _who he defied._

Azula didn’t bother answering the question both knew the answer to. 

“There will be other boys, Mai,” She laughed. 

“Azula,” Mai seethed, quiet and calm as she had been taught, “If you think my love for him would disappear because of a scar, you’re wrong.”

The word ‘love’ tasted heavy and bitter on her tongue, and Mai wondered if it was alright to love someone she didn’t know. _But I know him._ Mai knew Zuko’s favorite walking areas, his preferred foods, what made him annoyed. They’d talked sparingly, but Mai had no other word to describe the anger she felt when she imagined the boy who’d pushed her into a fountain forced into submission, _scarred_ at his father’s hand, and then banished from the land he knew. _Is this love?_ Mai couldn’t be sure, but she threw the word carelessly in hopes it would even graze Azula. 

“Love?” The word hit dead center, “What do we know about love, Mai? We’re children.”

_You more than I._

Azula laughed it off, brushing aside Mai’s emotions as if they were inconsequential— _and they were._ Mai could express as much as she wanted around Azula, but it was up to the princess to determine its validity and Mai’s love was _worthless._

“But fine, if you want him so bad you can have him,” Azula fluttered her hand like she was offering alms, “Just as soon as he returns with the Avatar.”

Another laugh. 

_The Avatar?_ Another whirlwind of thoughts plagued Mai’s mind, depictions of scenarios calculating and recalculating in her brain as Azula hummed cheerily, picking up their game from where they’d left off. The sun beat down on Mai’s back, hot, as she promised herself that when Zuko came back— _and he would come back_ — she would be here, waiting, to thank him for saving her. 

And then she would save him. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that's part one! I'm sorry if anything seemed OOC or weirdly dramatic- this is how I pictured Mai's childhood being. The next part will focus on Mai during Zuko's three-year banishment when she is out of school and has limited interactions with Azula and Ty Lee. Also, it's TomTom time. 
> 
> Also, forgive the too-large spacing during paragraphs. I'd have to fix that by manually deleting them which I couldn't bear to do for how long this update was.

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! I've been feeling the inexplicable urge to write fanfiction from Mai's point of view to demand the respect she deserves. This work will be slow to update. It will also feature many canonical events, but I will be incorporating my own take of each situation so it may not adhere to exactly what happens in the show/comics. I've been a part of the Avatar fandom for many years and I'm so stoked that it's had a resurgence! I'm excited to present this fanfiction as my first for this fandom, and I hope you all enjoy it :)


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